I won't be your mercenary
A Better Ending
But you can lead on, lead on
With your flaming crossbow
Train your burning arrow on my spine
(Razor Blade Spine, 2007)
I was born with a spinal deformity. I spent most of my life strapped into a back brace, letting my condition define who I was.
Now that I’ve changed my life around through a gruelling fitness regime, revisiting the body of musical work that I created while my body was broken is jarring at times—I think back to the massive amounts of pain I was in while writing, recording and performing, and how this influenced everything from my subject matter to the way I handled each instrument to accommodate my deformity.
Back then, I never dreamed that I would one day be revisiting these songs, and breathing new life into them as portraits, in which I contort my now-pliable body into graceful poses.
Pay close attention to this portrait. I’m standing perfectly straight, yet nothing is aligned as it should be. This used to be cause for embarrassment. Now it’s a source of power.
Originally posted on Instagram
September 30, 2019